Tuesday, May 27, 2008

"Here's to the fear of being trapped..."

I dont want to be inspired
By cheap metaphors and simple similes
I want the truth to be so close.
So close that i can understand in a flash
Of light that banishes dark dreams
And confounds insolent incertitudes.
So bright that i could die just to know
That its trenchant beams would pierce my weary body
Save my lost soul, and transfix this hardened heart --
Let this fervid blood come spilling out
Paint my grey world red, my blue world crimson
With real life -- not hiding, beating, waiting --
But dashed, spilt, gushing, rushing, surging
To a truth more real than life,
A truth more constant than breath,
A truth to which tedious metaphor seems
A cheap motel knock off of Van Gogh.
"Who steals a Monet, just to not sell it? .. A Monet Lover..."

9 comments:

don't be emily said...

Love it. Take "gushing" out, don't need it. and split infinitive in the last line, unless it's a direct quote.

~im just only me~ said...

...direct quote... i know, annoying isnt it lol, but also i think its like that for emphasis, doesnt have quite the same meaning when grammatically proper... thanks... i dont like "trenchant" -- well its growing on me -- but i just could not think of any other word. I wanted one that means "with all the perfect and ultimate realness of C.S. Lewis' heaven and Plato's forms..."...riiiight lol, i think "pierce" and "transfix" helped me out though... so yeah :)

~im just only me~ said...

why take out gushing?...
p.s. yaruq!!

don't be emily said...

i just don't like that word, and it somehow makes the line less believable, overdone or something. the other words are enough. it doesn't really fit. my opinion only of course.

Bar said...

If I amy-- at first I didn't likd the way that "so bright that I could die...this hardened heart" seemed to flow too quickly, but then I suppose truth does work that fast in it's brightness.. but with those last words "hardened heart" there came a quick halt which seemed to emphasize the hardened heart.
As for the "gushing"...when I read it moderately slow and with an emphasis on every word in that line, it does seem to fit.
Dunno, tha's what a non-poet thinks of what they've read. Probably not worth much at all. :-)

Mother of Perseus said...

Don't take out gushing... true, it doesn't really need it, but seriously kate, not liking it is not a good enough reason, lol...

Mother of Perseus said...

p.s. i know i alresdy told you i like it... and i especially love the quote at the end... just thought i would put it in writing is all.

don't be emily said...

heck, why not? :)
I need some comments from you!!!!

don't be emily said...

You know me, cass; minimalist sometimes....
PS hujen!!!